Bathing beauty [24 Oct 2005|02:22pm] oneautumnday They tell me this is a wedding dress. A sexy wedding dress. I get the "sexy" part, but I'm not sure where the "wedding dress" bit comes in. I mean, it's white, I'll give it that. And it's umm... well, well it's still white, okay? So we've got "sexy" and "wedding" covered, but "dress" is still a problem here. Know why? BECAUSE THIS IS A BATHING SUIT! WITH A VEIL! 1 comment|post comment

Skirt thieves and alien babies. [18 Oct 2005|04:13pm] marisolita [ mood | contemplative ] Okay, start with a simple one. A little casual for my taste. I wouldn't wear something that buttoned down the front like that to my own wedding. Nor would I allow someone to tear my skirt off and still smile for the pictures shamelessly. The top half is vaguely pretty, which is the real tragedy here. It honestly looks like someone stole the skirt of this outfit, and she's going to go ahead and get married in it anyway - I mean, look at the sad little bit of tulle at the back? This is a slightly different level of confusion. The last one had lost her skirt, this woman's skirt is rearing back so an alien can burst out of it. Her hand is lost in the glowing evil tulle. The problem (besides the alien tulle thing) here is that there are plenty of pretty elements all sort of squashed together in a blob of satiny beribboned flowering dress. And the glowing front, that too. So that's why we make skirts that go all the way around, so that our petticoats don't give spawn evil glowing aliens, huh. My petticoats have never tried to do this. I think I'm okay with that. post comment

If I can't see you, you can't see me. [10 Oct 2005|11:24pm] oneautumnday Ladies and Gentlemen, the Naked Mummy Look: I am told this was from a Russian couture show. Last time I checked, it was cold in Russia. Also, the last time I checked, dresses were made of actual FABRIC. In fact, I'm not even sure this can be considered a garmnet. Doesn't garment involve being sewn or fabricated in some way? As opposed to, you know, WRAPPED. I guess I couldn't call this UGLY so much as highly highly strange. I wonder if the veil is being used to protect this woman's identity. I think that's a good choice. We need to protect the innocent. ---------------------------- Do you know what this photo says? It says "OH DEAR GOD, PLEASE DON'T PHOTOGRAPH ME! I FEEL SO FILTHY!!!" This dress is also not particularly ugly, per se, but I can't admit that I LIKE it. There are full length shots and the skirt is littered with random red flowers. There's something odd about a pure white gown spotted with red to me. I'm sorry. This shot is clearly to show off the dress' halter back but, honestly, this woman is clearly SHAMED by being forced to how off the back of her dress by lying on the astroturf in her once-virginal dress. This model. She is very sad. post comment

[10 Oct 2005|06:54pm] marisolita We'll start this post with a long standing favorite in the category of Deeply Questionable and Suspicious wedding gowns: Where does one start? With the perfectly nice dress tragically paired with sleeve-cuff-things? ...the headpiece reminiscent of helmets or horses? ......do I need to point out the naked man with a tattoo strategically photographed as something we don't generally associate with weddings? I don't know about the weddings you've been to, but I'm pretty sure this isn't a standard part of that Special Day. This is apparently an African Savanna wedding, complete with Naked Man for effect. In the next picture... we find a woman who feels just the way we do - that that THING on her HEAD must GO. She is wisely keeping an eye on it, lest it leap for her throat in a moment of inattention. She's waiting for help to come, but tragically don't know if they'll reach her in time to remove this dangerous case of perniciously large head flower. Tragic indeed. 5 comments|post comment

Time for spider robo-babies [09 Oct 2005|10:58pm] oneautumnday I am trying to fill a gap in my life that uglyweddingdress.com left behind. So here's my first contribution to the cause: Oh, honey. Wow. Did this poor woman trip and fall into a vat of molten tulle? Is there actually a real, live woman under there or is this giant skirt being used to hide her secret and evil robotic spider legs? The world may never know. But the skirt isn't the end. Nonono. Do you see the sleeves? Of COURSE you see the sleeves! HOW CAN YOU MISS THEM? THEY'RE HUGE! I THINK THEY MIGHT EAT SMALL CHILDREN! Now, I'm a big fan of the anime Revolutionary Girl Utena and this suggests that, to a degree, I have an affinity for puffed sleeves. This is true. I like them. I think that well-placed puffed sleeves can be darling. But these? They are the elephants of the sleeve world. They are behemoths. Gods among men. Among ugly, bloated men. Do they remind anyone else of oversized decorative fans? Let us also note that the point of the bodice PLUNGES deep into the depths of the skirt. What is that? Does this woman have an exceptionally pointed crotch that we should know about? Judging from the hair, I would date this in the nineteen eighties. So did the people of this era place great value on mates with extended pelvic regions? Did they select mates based on the triangular shape of their lover halves? Or were they just ALL ABOUT the robo spider legs? 2 comments|post comment

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ]